What's God doing?

"What's God doing?" This is a question that many of us ask ourselves from time to time. Whether we'll admit to it, deny it, or even subconsciously think it, it's crossed our minds. During the rough patches of our lives, it's easy to ask questions like this. "Why, God?" "Why are you allowing this to happen?" "Where are you?" "Are you even listening to me?" As much as I would love to say I've maintained a faithful attitude 100% of the time, I've asked myself these questions before. Sometimes, life just doesn't seem fair. Bad things happen to good people, lives of amazing elders are taken, and pain inflicts itself upon the strongest of men. At times, we (including myself) are pushed to a limit, where we cry out, "Are you even here God?" This is a dangerous place to be, however. Recently it seems like terrible things have happened to wonderful people. From death and car accidents, to financial strain and job losses...the question of why does God allow this to happen, always arises. They say when it rains, it pours, and and I know for me, that's the way it's been. One thing after another, week after week...negativity has really gotten to me. I've found myself asking for just one break, one week without troubles, one stretch of time when I could be at peace. You see, we are all looking for peace, it's just something we crave. Whether it be peace in relationships, peace with a recent loss, or peace with ourselves. This crazy, broken world however, can't give that to us. We search and search for it via money, perfect looks, or possessions. Let me ask you something, how has that worked out for you? I can tell you how it's gone for me; I've come back empty handed, absolutely zip, nada. I figured that if I only had this amount of money, weighed this much, drove that car, or had the perfect relationship, that dealing with my life problems would be easy as 1-2-3. Well, LOL at me for thinking such nonsense. Sheila Walsh said "Peace is not the absence of trouble, but the presence of Christ." Living on this Earth will always give us trouble, that's just fact of inhabiting a fallen world. Living with Christ on the other hand, will always offer us peace. Our God isn't one to force anything upon on, we have free will to believe what we want. He is however, always there for us, waiting with his out-stretched arm. He offers us the greatest of gifts: unconditional love, total peace, and great comfort. Always. Just this week, I attended a memorial service for my boyfriend's grandpa. It was absolutely amazing to see his friends and relatives demonstrate an attitude of hope and also peace. While yes, tears were shed and sadness was felt, the assurance of him being in heaven now, overwhelmed that. In the eyes of his wife, you could see peacefulness, knowing that her husband is waiting for her, in renewed health, with Jesus. Just a week prior, I was watching some ridiculous late night show. A young lady was talking about how she had lost her dad and that the fact that she would never see him again was really hard for her to deal with. The sadness and despair in her demeanor was heartbreaking. This my friends is a real life example of the quote mentioned above. In both these situations, a life was lost. In both these situations, sadness was felt. In both these situations, tears flowed. The difference however? Christ, C-H-R-I-S-T. It's not that we won't encounter troubles, it's just who we turn to in the midst of them. No God, no peace----> KNOW God, KNOW peace. It's that simple. God is always here, even when he seems silent. My man Garth Brooks sings 'Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs, that just he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care, some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.' The Lord will never leave you, never forsake you, that's a guaranteed promise. It may seem like the struggles of life are piling up and that He just doesn't care, however, that is the never, ever the case. Sure, you may get stressed, and sure, some things may be painful...but be be ASSURED he is right there beside you, guiding your life in the direction of his perfect will.

My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need. James :2-4

I'm an honest sinner.

I've been thinking a lot lately, which usually is dangerous because I tend to over think! Anyways, what I've been thinking about are some simple truths. 1) We all sin. 2) Why are there so many judgmental people? and 3) Since when is it ok for the church to live in such hypocrisy. These are all factors that have been weighing on my mind. As I was scrolling through my Pinterest page, I once again found a little saying that absolutely struck me. Written on a white poster in red, block font, the saying went like this "In life, I rather be known as an honest sinner, than a lying hypocrite." To be honest, I immediately took a semi-defensive stand and muttered under my breath "oh, how stupid is that." I read it again, but this time, my attitude was different. How true is this little sentence, I thought to myself! Honest sinner vs. Lying hypocrite...there's a big fight between those two. Looking back, I let the lying hypocrite win in my life for a long time. Instead of sympathizing, admitting, and learning from my sins, I would act as though I hadn't committed any. In all reality, I was a "goody-goody" who tirelessly tried to maintain an image of perfection. In my reflection upon my prior mentality in all this, I realized that I missed a lot of opportunities to connect with peers, both in and out of the church. Instead of sharing my own struggle with various sins, and thus creating a trusting bond, I chose to display a "do no wrong" attitude and act as though I was a step higher. Now, this was not intentional by any means. In my head, being that perfect Christian was the way to show the church. This was my first mistake. We are called to show God's love and mercy, not the perfection, wealth, or goodness of our given church. I love my church no doubt, and there's HUGE value in being part of it, but what has even more value is my relationship with Christ. What do I say over and over again? It's a relationship, NOT a religion. It's us coming to the Lord, confessing our sins, giving our lives to him, and letting his great works do his will in us. On the same note as the goody two shoes act, I had a tendency to judge. Now, this is human nature, and I don't care who you are, you've done it. As I was trying to show perfection in the church and my own actions, I inadvertently looked down on those who were stumbling (in the exact same ways I refused to admit myself, I might add.) Let's say a friend went to a party Saturday night, got drunk, then showed up to church the next morning. My mentality, in addition to many of those in the church, was to think who does she think she is, walking in here after a night like that, acting all good? Ok, so maybe she seemed to portray an attitude of she's totally fine, and hadn't had a rough night....but what if on the inside she was hurting, longing, and looking for the outstretched arm of another believer who could understand the mistakes she made. Not someone to judge her, someone to tell her all the wrong she had done, but rather someone who could share the message of God's love, mercy, and grace to her. This is where we have to let the honest sinner role win. Taking a moment to step down from our all high and mighty, power Christian role, and just sympathize and share the message of hope is the best bet. We have no room to judge. That IS a fact. Just because someone sins in a different way than you, doesn't make you any better, or them any worse. This is something that I've struggled with. In high school, I could say well she acts like a whore, and I don't so, obviously I'm a step ahead. In reality, however, my judgmental actions are a sin in their own right. In God's eyes, a sin is a sin. He's there to forgive us. I mean, after all, he sent his son to die on a cross for us! Proverbs 28:13 says 'People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.' That pretty much sums up what I'm getting at. Hiding our faults and portraying perfection gets us no where. Confessing our sins, learning from them, and then changing our ways will as a result, change our lives. Everyday I struggle with sin. From decisions I make to the words I speak, it's a battle. The fact of the matter is that I will fall short sometimes, but that is where God's mercy comes in. Perfection is something we can not achieve, for reals y'all. Romans 3:23 states that everyone has sinned and fallen short of the glory. Hiding behind a facade of the 'ideal' Christian is a lost cause. Living in the right ways, doing the best you can, loving the Lord above all else, and sharing the Gospel however, is a great idea. I rather have people know every mistake I've made and see God's love and mercy through those experiences, rather than acting like I don't make those mistakes and putting myself above others, like I'm so much better. Merriam Webster defines a hypocrite as a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue of religion; a person who acts in contradiction to his or her beliefs. This certainly doesn't sound like someone I want to be, someone I want to know, or someone who can reach out to those who have yet to come to Christ. I'll admit it, I struggle with practicing what I preach on the daily. It's easy to say "hey, don't use cuss words, it's sin," yet turn around and yell d***i* when I spill a pan of horse feed. It's easy to say drinking in excess is wrong, yet justify it when you're at a party. Everyday I wake up, thank the Lord for all I have been blessed with, and carry on with normal activities. Everyday I work at one area of sin I've been struggling with. Everyday I fail in another aspect of sin as well. This world we live in is a fallen one, desperate for God's love to be spread. Acting better than the tweakers who are battling terrible addictions, or more holy than those who are in broken families struggling to get by, will get us no where, friends. Sunday morning game faces, portraying we all have the perfect little lives only breed resentment. People outside the church see these ridiculous acts as well...ridiculous. Hypocrisy isn't welcoming anyone inside the doors of the morning service, but genuine love and the desire to reach out is. Brothers and sisters, we are loved more than we'll ever know, by someone who died to know us....(this stemming from Romans 5:8: But God demonstrates his own love for us in this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.) If Christ died for US, while we were lowly sinners, then why can't WE show love to those who are dealing with the same sins? The answer is we can. The sound being an honest sinner sounds a bit extreme, but hey, that's who I am. I have sinned, I have been forgiven. There is no condemnation! The real you is the best you. God made you, he loves you, and has a plan for everything that happens in your life. Let his overflowing mercy change you, then go out and share it, then let it change someone else's life. I'm an honest sinner, and I praise the Lord for that.

All of me.

For the longest time, I've tried writing a new post, but for the longest time, I've come up blank. Whenever I write, it's typically based on something recent, and I typically type it up late at night. Well, it's just about 10pm and what do you know, a a couple little lyrics have caught my attention. I've been hearing the song 'All of Me' by Matt Hammitt on KLove radio recently. At first, I kinda just shrugged it off and thought to myself, oh brother, it's just another whiny toned, Christian song that is going to be over played. After hearing it a half-dozen times or so, I looked up the lyrics because they had really caught my attention. In the chorus, he sings, "You're gonna have all of me, cause you're worth every falling tear, you're worth facing every fear, you're gonna know all my love, even if it's not enough, enough to mend our broken hearts, but giving you all of me is where I'll start." On top of being catchy, those are some SUPER powerful words. I've had a rough time recently, just getting bogged down in the troubles of this world has really taken it's toll. I've been struggling with fighting my own perfectionism tendencies, struggling within personal relationships, and struggling with hurts from the past year that keep trying to get me down. I'll admit it, I've also ebbed and flowed in the strength of my faith. With everything going on, all of the stress of everyday life, I had gotten caught up in me and my issues. While yes, I have been raised in such a way that thinking God is always there for me is normal, I haven't necessarily been acting on it. Doing things my way has been my strategy the last few months. In my mind, I could give God a little bit of my life, a little bit of my time, a little bit of my trust, and I could handle the rest. Pretty stupid huh? Well, that's obviously the reason why resolving issues hasn't happened. Now listen, I'm all about being real, and this here it is; as some of you know, always being labeled as that "Christian" the one who goes to church, the one who has it all together, can get tiring. This is what had happened to me. I was acting out all the right things, but in my heart, it was a whole other story. I couldn't possibly risk seeming weak and admit that I was struggling. Instead, what I did was put on an act. Instead of getting right with God myself, I felt like I could just put my relationship on the back burner and  just help others with their's. Clearly I was avoiding my issues. Now, I'm not saying that I just ran away from God and said forget it, what I am saying is that I was only giving about 50%. This is why this song stuck out to me. For my whole life, I've battled the idea of being perfect. Even though I know perfection can't be achieved in this world, I still have always tried. Whether it be waking up in the morning and looking in the mirror, or getting an A- instead of a solid A, I have always seen my faults. With this being said, I applied the same mentality to my faith. I figured that because I've been the one to typically have it altogether in this regard, I could not come to God all broken down, and hurt. Again, absolutely stupid huh? I told myself, how about you get all your stuff in check first Kaelee, then get strong in faith. This is where the tables turned. I put my worldly problems before my faith, instead of putting faith first and letting God take care of them for me. He is there for us always, but especially when we're down in the mouth. I'm not quite sure why I let this fact get clouded up in my head, but hearing this song made me take a step back and realize just how ridiculous I was being. God doesn't ask for the perfect person, nor does he turn away people who are hurt. It's quite the opposite. When you come to God and cast all your anxieties on Him, the opportunity for great miracles arises. Jesus walked with the lepers, reached out to the low life tax collectors, and took time for children. He didn't look for the most wealthy, the best looking, or the ones who had it all together. He fills the gaps that this world leaves in our lives. I was trying to do that myself, then come to Him with a 'look how good I'm doing' attitude. Instead, he did a work in me and now I've come to him with a 'look how much good you're doing in my life' attitude. In the song mentioned above, he sings about how giving it all to God is worth every tear and worth facing every fear. This was huge to me. I was so scared to admit that I didn't have it all together, and that I was struggling with some TOUGH things. Feeling vulnerable just isn't my thing, so finally giving my problems to the Lord and trusting him completely has been quite the task. Every tear I've cried while in bed in the privacy of my room has been felt by my God. Before, those tears were just tears. Now I realize fully that I will have problems and I will have tears, the difference being I can trust God 100% that He has my back and will comfort me. The lyrics of the song also say you're going to have all my love, even if it's not enough. Well golly, isn't that just perfect for my dumb thinking lately? My love will never be perfect, and it's a lost cause trying to achieve that. However, you can bet your boots that all my love will be given to my God, all my flawed love is His. In those flaws is where the Lord's mighty work will be seen. So, like Matt Hammitt sings, giving You all of me is where I'll start. I'm not perfect, my faith isn't perfect, but my God is. In my weakness is where his perfect love will show. In my pain, his comfort will be evident. In my struggles, his strength will be boldly displayed. Even when I fail, which will happen on the daily, I have given ALL of me to the Lord. I'm an imperfect person loved by a perfect God, and that's something to wake up thankful for every single day.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power in made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9


To God be all the glory!