When you're down to nothing, God's up to something.

I can't say I've truly been down to nothing, but I have been through my fair share of times in which I felt like I was. If any of you have followed this blog, or even heard my testimony, y'all know 2011 was a year of struggle. Facing the diagnosis of two years of immobility and using walking aids posed a great threat to my future. Things were dim. But, as per usual, God delivered me from that awful sentence. Now, it sure would be nice that if after facing a struggle like that, overcoming it, then moving on, things would stay perfect...that is SO not a fact of life. Without going into great detail, I will say these last few months have tested my faith beyond belief. I have faced huge amounts of emotional and physical pain. Pain I figured I'd never encounter. My seemingly ideal plan for my life was slowly slipping away. Now I must say, at the time I felt like I was losing everything, but in all reality, God's plan was just unfolding. I had lost a relationship, a clear future, and basically all belief in myself. How in the world was this according to God's plan you may ask? Well, it took me a little while to figure that out myself. After feeling so broken, a down-turn in my health battle, and a sudden change of education...I found myself back in my small town. While yes, I do love it here, I never imagined being back so soon. There was my first mistake. I was baffled because MY plan wasn't working out. Little did I know GOD's plan was. During this challenging time, I saw struggles all around. From my new found friends facing hard, life-changing experiences to just seeing the pitfalls of college, I found myself facing one heck of a decision. Do I keep doing my thing, while I'm watching it crumble around me? Or do I surrender to the Lord, give him my life as a whole...hopes, dreams, and passions? Looking back, I'm saying to myself, "Why would you even question that decision?!" But in that time and place of course I wanted to stick to my plan. I thought I had drawn up a good one. After holding out for a bit longer, and having even more go wrong...I gave in. I was broken down to nothing. I cried out to God and little to my surprise, he answered me. Finding myself in a different school than I had planned, a different town that I had wanted, and different people than expected...I felt at peace. Seriously, for once in my life, I was, and still am feeling perfectly CONTENT. Content with my appearance, my friends, my relationships, my classes, my family, my home, my LORD. Hurts that I felt were non healable have been healed. Dreams that I thought were shattered are now gleaming with hope. Bridges that were burned are now mended. God did all this. All my life I've been taught that He has a plan for me, all my life I've trusted that. What I now realize is that I was trusting, but on my terms. I was saying I'll give you my all, God, if I can do it my way. If I can just get what I want. There's a little saying that goes "Want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans." Let's just say I gave him a good ol' chuckle, knee-slapper if you will. From that, the good Lord broke me down, then built me right back up...stronger, better, and way more on fire for him. Most importantly, living my life according to his plan. James 1:2-4 has always been on of my favorite verses, but through this I can finally understand what it's saying. It reads: "My brothers ans sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and have everything you need." Well, if that doesn't sum everything up, I don't know what else will. I've faced troubles from all sides. God has given me a spirit of joy in dealing with them. Patience? I'm learning each day. And as far as showing it goes, I'm trying my best. People can judge and speculate, but I know that I can handle it with grace and poise. God has given me EVERYTHING I could ever need. I'm a blank page, God's the writer, and I just can't wait to see what story unfolds. God Bless <3