Since the last time I blogged a lot has happened. I think 'a lot' is actually a HUGE understatement. Ups and downs, heartache and happiness...basically I've experienced every emotion. Change has come about and certain things in my life have come and gone, but the one thing that has not changed is my God and his love for me. I have moved onto the next step in my life: college. I remember how I wanted to leave home so bad the last few months of high school and was going stir crazy. I was gung-ho about being on my own and independent. I was pumped. This is probably the time in story where you're expecting me to say I've become terribly homesick and hating being alone...but, I can enthusiastically say that's not the case. Sure I miss my amazing family and friends, but the transition to college life has been seemingly seamless. I have been enjoying my classes and having tons of fun. For the first time in my life, I was rolling solo, doing my thanggg, living it up in my opinion. All this sounds pretty great right? Well yeah, I can't deny that it's awesome, but something was missing in the midst of this. Now granted, I haven't been in Idaho for too long, but I've definitely been here long enough to reflect and look back on these last few weeks. Looking back and even looking at the present, things are incredibly great. Friends and nights out, interesting classes and manageable work have made this new life enjoyable. The thing is, I have no room to complain, but yet, I have had this weird sense of wanting more. No, not more fun, but something deeper. It's taken me a while to put my finger on just what that "thing" was. Jesus Christ has been my rock, my strength, my everything during this whole time, so that made figuring this missing link out even harder. After a summer leading a life a bit astray from the Lord, I have felt my relationship was back to normal, ok, average. This is where I realized my problem. There is an awesome Christian song where it says "To you I give my life, not just the parts I want to, to you I sacrifice these dreams that I hold on to." This small verse really got me thinking. I was giving my life for Christ, but just the parts that were convenient to me. The aspects that drew the least amount of attention, required the smallest sacrifice, and took the lowest amount of time to achieve. In my mind, I was just skating by, getting an average grade on my follower of Christ report card. You could say I had straight C's. Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with C's, all I'm saying is that in this particular class, we are called to be so much more. 1 Peter 2:9 says "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." Besides the fact we are called to be courageous in faith, God himself picked us, set us apart, created us for this purpose. For me, this is an almost scary thing. I mean come on, I'm in college, there's already a lot of pressure on me, do I really need to push myself, be vulnerable, set up possible disappointments? The answer is yes, like heck yes! There was obviously something missing in my life, something that was keeping me from enjoying all that is around me to the fullest. After I finally discovered the lost piece to my puzzle, my outlook changed tremendously. Just recently I have felt a new spark in my relationship with the Lord, and new hunger to serve, and a passion to live for him. I say all this pretty confidently, but I will admit to my share of struggle. Every time I would, or do feel like I'm growing in the word, thoughts attack me; thoughts about not being good enough, having too much sin in my life, or simply just not measuring up in the grand scheme of things. These thoughts can be devastating, and trust me, I have let them get to me. Today in church we sang a great song. The part that really stuck out to me was this: You are holy great and mighty, the moon and the stars declare who You are, I'm so unworthy, but still You love me, forever my heart will sing of how great You are. Well, that makes a girl feel pretty goofy for believing the lies of inadequacy. My point here? Live to the fullest. Enjoy everything that you're presented. But do it to the glory of God. Do nothing halfway. Give Him your all. Every burden or hurt, bad habit or addiction, every happy time or accomplishment, win or loss...He's got your back. When you surrender your all to him, and I mean really surrender no matter how tough or stubborn you are, it opens up the door for your life to be better than you have ever imagined.
