Once again, recent events and a particularly inspiring quote have prompted this post. First off, I've had a rough couple of days. Not only with the incident, but just with life in general. What incident you may ask? Well, it started Sunday afternoon. I decided to go for a run around the lovely lake, which is right down the street from my apartment. I figured my homework could wait and my buns would benefit from a little toning up. I parked my truck, turned on my music, and embarked on a little jog. Things were wonderful; a nice day (meaning no rain by western Washington standards), a beautiful view of the lake, and the panting of a good workout. As I turned the corner to head back towards my truck, I was quite ready to be done. I realized I was a wee bit more out of shape than originally projected! HA! Nonetheless, I decided to push on. As I approached the cross walk, I looked to my left and made eye contact with a fellow runner. Not too out of the ordinary I thought to myself. As he was b-lining it to the sidewalk, we met exactly at the same time. I pressed the cross button and waited. Of course I took that opportunity to check Facebook, why put those brief seconds to waste right? Well anyway, the light changed, the walk signal turned on, my phone was put back into my sports bra, and I picked up a jog once again. As I continued on, I noticed out of my peripheral vision the same man starting a seemingly uncoordinated sprint. We almost collided and I looked over my right shoulder to apologize for getting in his way. He was obviously pretty into this workout business, or so I thought. After a few more backward glimpses of awkward eye contact, I started to get a weird feeling. This guy was up to something. Immediately after my red flag was thrown up, he came right beside me and asked if he could talk to me. I thought to myself oh heeecck no you freak, but instead responded with a "no, sorry man." He was persistent and asked again. At this point I was getting a little pissed off. While running beside me, I told him once again, "nahhh sorry brah, I don't want to talk." For whatever I encompassed the vocabulary of a dude as I responded back to this guy, haha. Anyways, he then proceeded to ask me what my name was. I really felt weird then! I told him "don't worry about it, you don't need to know about that." I was pretty well frustrated at this random guy and decided jogging away from him was my best bet. As I picked up the pace, so did he. He then reached out with both hands, one at my neck, the other at my long brown pony-tail. Without hesitation, I drew back and punched him in the face...a reflex I didn't know I had. There were some very choice words flying at that point. I was yelling at him to get the beepedy-beep-beeeeep-beep away from me. He started to walk away from me and then pitbull mode turned on. I told him to not walk that a** away from me, but to run you (insert poor language here.) Now I know this sort of language is not necessarily good, but in this situation I consider it completely appropriate. He veered to my left and jogged off through a playground packed with kids. I was pretty shocked at what had just happened so randomly in broad daylight. Again, out of instinct, I called my dad. He was very worried and told me to report this to 911. Long story short, I called, they responded, I gave a statement, they sent multiple units out looking for him. I was completely fine, no physical harm to speak of, I was more concerned about his exit strategy through the crowd of children. If he had the guts to attack a close to 6' tall woman in the daylight, what would stop him from snatching up a 4 year old girl. In the end, I was pretty shook up by this and my dad came to my place to get me.
Now, I want to reference the quote that has helped me out this week. I found this on Pinterest of course, and it reads " Faith and fear cannot exist in the same place at the same time." For anyone who knows me, I pride myself on being tough. I portray it in my actions, exhibit it in my behavior, and have blogged about it in the past. I have a legitimate phobia of showing weakness, of being a pansy. Without going into detail, I have had experience with this sort of crime before. I know the ins and outs of this type of thing. For me, being attacked rocked my world. Although I would be considered the winner if this was a tap-out match, emotions were triggered. I thought to myself, why am I a target?! I am a 5'10" ready to fight, put of your dukes, lights out kind of girl. Where was my weakness exposed in any of that? For the first time in a long time I felt weak. I felt helpless. I felt like I was just acting out the role of being the tough on. I always say cowgirls don't cry, so the feeling of tears welling up in my eyes just wasn't ok for me. While yes, I really am tougher than a lot of girls, I comlptely misconstrued that with showing zero emotion. For these last couple days, I've been acting like nothing has affected me. You can bet your boots I would knock that guy's lights out right freakin' now, but that doesn't mean that when the adrenaline level is down and I'm alone at night, fear doesn't set in. Every time I've gone to the store, walked to class, or left apartment, I have been looking over my shoulder. Part of me says come at me bro, let's fight! But the other says are other men looking at me as a target, what if there's someone I couldn't take and win? These thoughts have really clouded my mind. I was so thankful that after the attack, things weren't worse than they were. It seems pretty harmless because I didn't get really physically hurt, I wasn't black an blue and laid up in the hospital. My weekend concert plans were still on! The Lord had my back for sure! Again however, these doesn't take away doubts. I don't express fear. It's a sign of weakness to me and I just don't let that happen. This is why this week has been hard. I have been so scared! See there? That was my mistake. Here I was thanking the Lord that things didn't escalate between that John Doe and I, yet I was letting fear creep in and take over. The quote I am basing this on sums it all up. How can you have faith and fear at the same time? Faith doesn't make things easy, however it does make all things possible. I may struggle with the feeling of being targeted, but with my faith put completely in God, I can lay those to rest and find total peace in him. My tough girl mentality cannot be based on my physical strength nor my own personal will...true power comes from above. I really can do ALL things through CHRIST who STRENGTHENS me, the vital part of that being through Christ. Without him, I can't face these battles. With him, I have a guaranteed victory! Fear takes way too much out of someone, and frankly, school work does that enough, I don't have time. There's not many issues in life that come with a simple answer, but luckily for me, this in one. My FAITH is in God. My HOPE is in God. He LOVES me unconditionally. Faith, hope, love. It's that simple. From here on out, as soon as fear rears it's ugly head, I will stand confidentially and know I am armed with the greatest weapon, faith.
God Bless.
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