So are y'all ready for story time? I need a little space to vent and also to showcase yet again, just how amazing our God is! If any of you have read my last posting, you know I was met with a strange and not mention difficult situation. I wrote about the fears that come along with being attacked. The fears I expressed were all as a result of an attack where, in my mind, sexual actions were being pursued. I had a sense that my attacker was after that sort of thing, but secretly hoped I was off base. Anyways, I soon realized that my God is BIGGER than any fear associated with that type of thing. I decided to put all my trust into Him, which is always the best idea by the way. After a week or so of getting this seemingly minor altercation out of my head, my faith was tested yet again. As I drove down a parallel street to my apartment, headed to the tanning salon, something caught my attention. No, it wasn't the lake nor the sunshine. It wasn't the thought of my unexpectedly great midterm grade nor the music bumpin' in my truck. What was it then? Shoes; a black pair of Nike's with red laces. A normal looking pair, probably manufactured by the millions. Something many men sport on the daily. So what was so special about these? Well, they were being worn by my attacker. Never in my life had I been so sure of something. I turned that corner, glanced over to the lake, noticed the unmistakable gait of this man, his shoes, and his build. It was the dude. As I debated what to do, I pulled over and parked my truck. I watched him for a minute as I decided what steps to take next. He was strolling about the lake, nonchalantly, soaking up the sun. I got out of my truck and started to walk to the front of it. Honestly, I was ready to fight. Reason kicked in and I told myself that engaging was a bad idea and that I needed to get back in, lucky for him. As I picked up my phone and dialed my dad, the unexpected happened. Now, I say unexpected loosely because I completely expected this to happen, just never for me to witness it. A young, tan, fit girl jogged passed this guy. She was running at a similar clip as I was the previous week. As she went by, he turned and ran after her. The uncoordinated, ridiculous sprint he was executing was the exact one he had done to me. There was a crowd of people and she was running a bit too fast, thus causing him to give up that pursuit. He turned back to his original direction, reached his hand into his pants, and messed with his jock area. I was disgusted. I could not believe what I had/was witnessing. At this point, I went all Law and Order on him and was ready for game on. He crossed the same bridge to where he had met me the week before and headed around the lake once again. I had decided to call 911 to report this incident and was describing his whereabouts as I stalked him on the street. He went below the overhead bridge and disappeared into a series of shrubs. I agreed I would wait at my location and talk to a responding officer. As I sat in my truck, I looked over to my left and what do you know, that idiot was now walking down that sidewalk. As about as perfectly timed as could be, a black and white two toned patrol car did a u-turn and impeded the subjects course of travel. Now, long story short, I gave a written description of my attack again and what I had seen a few moments earlier. It was explained to me that he has a history of these sorts of crimes and is familiar with the system. I felt SO relived that this son of a biscuit was finally apprehended and that a few of my fears (yeah, you know they still TRY to linger with me) could be put to rest.
Seems like a win-win situation doesn't it? Faith didn't seem to be tested too badly, the act of beating the crap out of him maybe, but faith, nah, everything seems fine right? Well, there's a few parts I failed to mention. Remember before where I said I sensed he was after a sexual act in the course of my attack? I've been hoping all along that that fact would neither be confirmed nor even addressed. The time to face my fear happened in an instant. The officer who had been talking to the guy for upwards of 30 minutes, walked over to me and slowly explained what was going on. He looked at me with a startled, almost alarmed face and said, now I just want you to know, he admitted to what he wanted with you when he attacked. Without details, he basically said he wanted to push me down and get on top of me. Even typing this now is a task to be reckoned with. Nonetheless, ALL my suspicions, worst nightmares, whatever you want to call them, were confirmed. What I wish I could have just passed off as a random mugging was now confirmed as a strategic, attempted sexual assault. This subject has a past record of this sort of crime and for him, I was just another victim. Now, I feel extremely blessed that he did NOT successfully complete what he was trying for, so don't be thinking I've let that fact slip by. What I am saying is that after last weeks post of being a big bad tough girl, who yeah, acknowledges that fear does attack even the strong, I was faced head on. The fear of last week is nothing compared to that of today. This really rocked my world. I thought I had a complete handle on this, and that it was an event of the past. Now I'm seeing my worst case scenario idea and the real threat of sexual assault unfold in front of my eyes? Dang, it's a tough place to be. For those of you who know me, y'all know I don't like crying, nor showing weakness in general...(a weakness in itself ha). But today, after giving a very surgical description of the attack, I broke down. I sat in my truck and just plain cried. I cried more today than I have in the past 4 months combined. It was a strange feeling. I felt like every ounce of that tough girl mentality was slipping away, and I was falling into a victim role, one in which I was not comfortable with. As I collected myself, went up to my room, and cracked open a Pepsi...I faced my reality. I was attacked, yes. It was out of sexual desire and deviance, yes. He wanted to rape me, yes. I thought to myself, WOW, I'm at a loss for words. It was then when I faced reality again. I'm not hurt, true. There's no physical harm to speak of, true. I defeated his pathetic attempt, oh heck yeah. I faced a few more realities real quickly after these. I serve a God who protected me from a despicable act, yes. My God is stronger than ANYTHING this world can throw at me, of course. Any fear, pain, or worries can be given to God, mhmm. I can find complete healing and rest in Him, YES MA'AM! Yet again , WOW! Psalm 118:6 says 'The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?' It never ceases to amaze me what verses basically highlight themselves at the perfect times, this being no exception. Three key pieces to that scripture. (1) The Lord is with me. He is always by my side, he never leaves me, nor forsakes me. He's my right, even left, hand man at all times. (2) I will have no fear. Wait, what's fear? If the creator of the universe is always on my six, always has my back, and is always leading me in the right direction, then why in the world would I even bother with fear?! Honestly, the more I realize it, the more I see it's just a monumental waste of my time to worry. (3) What can mere man do to me? Mere is the keyword there. Man, meaning all humans in this case, are weak compared to the almighty power of God. I could get my teeth knocked out, right eye blackened, and be gimping around, but that's not match to the power of my Lord and Savior. Sorry guys, your biceps will never be close to the strength that God demonstrates.
I'm going to end this with my favorite verse. SHE IS CLOTHED IN STRENGTH AND DIGNITY, AND SHE LAUGHS WITHOUT FEAR OF THE FUTURE. Proverbs 31:25. I could go buy a $10,000 Pnina Tornai gown, but it wouldn't compare to the strength from which God gives me, that adorns me everywhere I go. I know that I will have tough things like this happen for the rest of my life, but I can be joyful in hope of the future, and not worry about a thing. I can't express what God has worked in me through this, but I can however speak of the greatest source of power than anyone can ever have. Now more than ever I can say to God be ALL the glory in FULL confidence.
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