Real life miracles? I am a believer for sure!

So it's been a while since I have last blogged, and let me tell you, I have missed it dearly! Life get's crazy as so many of us know, and in my case...crazy has been a good thing! I have been battling a lot of medical problems for the past five months, and to be honest, it has been a tough road. I have faced doctors with no answers, medicines with severe side effects, and odds that seemed impossible. Throughout this whole journey, people have told me that I have the right to just throw my hands up and say "this is not fair, why me?" However, that just seemed so...sooo, well, unfair in itself. Yeah of course the situation was frustrating and dismal looking, but I knew I could hold onto three truths. --1) The Lord is my Rock. 2) He will never ever give me more than I can handle. 3) God has a hold of my life and everything that happens is according to His plan.-- After thinking about those facts, my problems didn't even seem so bad. If my God was for me, then who could ever stop me? If He was directing my paths according to His perfect plan, then what did I have to fear? If He leads me to something, then don't you know He will pull me through it? Talk about some reassurance! My goodness, that just makes a gal feel awfully good about her present circumstances. From crying out in the middle of the night in pain to laying in a MRI machine for  hours, I KNEW, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that God my God was holding me tight, protecting me, loving me, never letting me go. Now, I say all that pretty confidently, which of course I am, but I did have my fair share of struggles throughout. There was times in which the pain would try everything it could to get the best of me. I can remember when I would try to walk, and my legs just wouldn't work! Looking back onto all this now, I clearly remember one tough morning. I had been up all night with leg pain and when six o'clock rolled around I decided to get up. I rotated my body out of bed and put my feet on the floor. I couldn't feel it. I sat up and looked around, I couldn't see anything clearly. I gripped the edge of the bed and tried to stand, my body wouldn't let me. I desperately tried to take a step, my brain wouldn't connect. I felt so helpless. As I sat there on my bed, my eyes were blurred, there was a disconnect between my legs, spine, and brain, and I couldn't tell where my lower limbs were...I remembered the verse "This day belongs to the Lord! Let's celebrate and be glad today." Psalm 118:24. Right there, in my moment and despair and hurt, I chose to give that day to the Lord and cast all my anxieties on Him. (1 Peter 5:7) From that point forward I decided that everyday that I am given is a gift from the Lord, and again, according to his plan. Who am I to be "down in the dumps" because of what He has given me? Regardless if my day is filled with pain and suffering or fun and good health, it is His day, and it's my job to take it and have joy in my heart. It has been a very long road from that particular morning to now. The doctors had plainly stated to me that I would not walk normally for one to two years. I would have to deal with a severe handicap for a good long time. I have said before that I felt at peace with this diagnosis and that has held true this whole time. Again, truth number two, I knew the Lord wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle. This whole deal seemed like more of a challenge, like let me show you what I got God! With that attitude in mind, I was determined to beat the odds. When I thought about my goal to beat the odds, I figured I would try for like six months from now...nothing even close to what God had in store for me! Little did I know that the Lord had a certifiable miracle in store for all this. To make a long story short, or shorter...I went through phases of walking with a walker, walking with a cane, or being in a wheelchair. I had high points, but then they would go back into the slump of immobility. One weekend I would be strolling around with my zebra print cane, then the next would consist of a cruise in my camo wheelchair. A little frustrating? Oh yes, I will fully admit to that. Totally discouraging however? No way, God still had my back. I had gained an even more clear realization that every day was a gift from above. I had learned the meaning of not taking a day for granted. I continued to go through those "up and down" periods for some time, until one day I felt like I had to courage to walk without my cane, to step out in faith. I remembering saying out loud: "Lord, I can't feel my legs, I really have no clue what I'm doing, but I feel like you have given me the strength to step out and challenge this head on. I feel a little silly right now, but I know you got my back G." From there I proceeded to put my cane down, take one step, then another, then another, until I was walking normally! I was like woahhhh baby, this is crazy! I AM WALKING! Now to really wrap things up here, I had gone onto scooping out horse stall, running on the treadmill, dancing around the house with my dog, really getting back into the swing of things! I have been walking normally now for about three weeks, and yes, I know that a relapse is possible, but I am hanging onto the hope that God has worked a miracle in me and is holding my hand through all this. I have been granted a discontinued physical therapy schedule and a closer to normal school routine. I have returned to working out and regained the strength to muck out the barn. I praise God for EVERYTHING He has done in my life. I praise Him for allowing me go through a life changing experience like this and learning from it. I can now honestly say I have witnessed a God-breathed miracle first hand! "IT DOES NOT BELONG TO US, LORD. THE GLORY BELONGS TO YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR LOVE AND LOYALTY." Psalm 115:1

Worldy Pain vs. Christ's Suffering...

It amazes how a simple quote can inspire me, or anyone for that matter, so much. I recently ran across this one on a Christian website: "If you had never known physical pain in your life, how could you appreciate the nail scarred hands with which Jesus Christ will meet you?"  Joni Tada. Those words really gave me perspective on things going on in my life. I have been experiencing a few setbacks these last few days in regards to my physical health. Walking has become increasingly harder, and to be honest, for the first time I got freaked about it. I don't really know how to explain it other than I feel a ‘disconnect’ from my brain to my legs...like I have no idea how to get the two to work together. Needless to say it's a weird feeling. Of course I know God's still in control of all this, but it's part of my human nature to be a little discouraged. In the midst of my minor 'pity party,' I was looking for verses or quotes to really inspire me. I scrolled through pages and pages of great quotes looking for one that stood out. Guess what? The Lord knew exactly how to get my attention. The words I quoted above did just that. I kind of felt ridiculous for feeling down about my circumstances after reading the quote. For goodness sake, I can't even fathom the pain that Jesus went through; the pain that endured for ME! Talk about reality check. Christ died for my sins. His nail scarred hands, His head adorned with thorns, His body hanging on the cross...sound gruesome? Yeah well, it was. He did all that for us...sinners completely not worthy of it. Now, I'm not saying that our worldly pains, our physical down turns, aren't hard to deal with...because they are. I'll be the first one to admit that. Another thing I'll jump right up (not literally, haha) to admit is that anything is possible with Christ on our side. He is the original 'superman.' He endured the unspeakable, died, and then rose again. That in itself proves that whatever we are up against in this life, God can overcome it. I know that I'll have plenty of pain, suffering, setbacks, and discouragements...all that is part of the world we live in. I'm not trying to be someone who lives in a fantasy world where I deny those facts. What I am doing is boldly stating that God, my God, is bigger than ALL that. His power far outweighs my weakness, His love is stronger than my sadness, and His joy is fully renewed in me every single day I choose to accept it. Romans 8:31 says “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?”

God's plans: His timing, His design, His will

So this time last year, I was a junior in high school, looking into colleges, making 'my' plan for the future. I had decided I wanted to go to a small Christian school, major in criminal justice, and be closer to home. You see, at the time, I thought the only way I could further my walk with Christ and stay strong while in college was to go to a school like the one I mentioned above. I had always wanted to go to a prominent state school, but figured I'd have to forgo that because lack of 'structure' there. For the next few months I searched and searched for Christian schools that had my chosen major, a much harder task than you would imagine. I finally found one that hit most of the checks on my list. From that point on till the end of the summer I was gung-ho on pursuing 'my' plan. I had it all figured out in my mind. It seemed perfect, absolutely ideal. The way I figured it was that attending a school like this would ensure "spiritual success." I would be surrounded by people that shared the same views in faith as I, and thus I wouldn't have so much pressure for typical college behavior. Now before I continue, I'd like to make it clear that I fully support Christian schools and see so so so much value in them, it's just this story is about God's plan for me...which at the time I didn't believe it excluded an AG school. Anyway, as this story unfolds, I expanded my views that summer. I hung out with a fine young man and we proceeded to talk about college. I had shared my plan, a seemingly solid one, and he of course thought it was a good one. He talked about his college and also some other 4 year universities. I left that 'date' with the same college plan, but decided to explore some other schools just for the fun of it. I once again found a Christian school that seemed awesome! I couldn't believe I had discovered another college that fit my precise expectations. These so called expectations seemed perfect on the surface, but to be honest, I was struggling with accepting this plan. It seems rather dumb for me to have doubts about such fantastic choices...but I did. I knew this type of college would help considerably with keeping my faith strengthened, but I kept asking myself, "Where is the challenge? How can I reach the untouchable students who have gotten caught up in the college scene?" God kept drawing my attention back to those thoughts. Honestly, I denied that 'calling.' I instead kept trying to convince myself that my plan would be a sure fire success. Of course the Lord didn't cram this down my throat, instead He allowed me to freely decide. I had one totally mind changing experience during this course of time. My parents and I visited two state schools with very contrasting sizes. I enjoyed touring both, but the smaller one had a much better feel. That Sunday we visited a church in town, one that my mom had found online. This church, you see, was the congregation that Chi Alpha attended. Chi Alpha is a campus ministry outreach program that is doing wonders throughout universities. I had been in contact with the leaders of this group earlier that month and had grown a huge interest in pursing my participation in the ministry. We were welcomed very warmly into this modern looking church building, a great way to start off a Sunday morning. My mom went down stairs to their fellowship hall before the service started and had apparently ran into Chi Alpha's leaders. She then proceeded to send them upstairs to meet with me. Little did I know this was the couple I had been communicating with previously. They were both awesome to chat with. One of the leaders shared the story of how she was convinced she needed to go to a Christian school, just like me, but was lead to an opened up point of view. She had visited a state school in which she loved, one that met all her qualifications. While meeting with a music professor, he sensed her apprehension. He asked her what was holding her back from attending this school. She told Him her dilemma with it not being Christian based. Now this is where my whole train of thought changed! She told me exactly how he answered her problem. He said, "If Christians only went to Christian schools, then who would be at state schools to witness to the others?' Wow. I could not believe my ears. This was exactly how I was feeling, the concept God kept trying to reveal to me. I seriously felt a sense of peace...like all of the sudden I knew what plan I needed to pursue, the one God was calling me on. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders as I heard testimony from  a great woman of Christ and simply decided to follow God's plan. The feeling was surreal. I felt like I actually KNEW what I was doing, not that I was crazy for passing up that other 'perfect' plan. I know that choosing to attend a state school would open up all kinds of doors, both good and bad. Temptations yet opportunities, dangers but a chance to make a difference...THIS is the plan I know I should be on. I spent so long finding that absolutely perfect, people pleasing plan, when in reality, God had a completely different one set out for me. I just keep thinking, if simply choosing to follow the Lord's plan gives me this much peace, then how much joy am I in-store for once I actually can fulfill it. If you're doubting God's plan for you, or a calling you're not sure about, remember this: "I say this because I know what I am planning for you," says the Lord. "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future." Jeremiah 29:11

Got Miracles?

Well, wow, today was AH-MAY-ZING! I have been struggling for months and months with this illness with little to no progress. About a week ago, we received the answer to all this; which was a huge answer to prayer of course. My doctor delivered some tough news to me however. He said this was a life altering problem, a long long road to recovery. He went on to inform me that all my usual activities such as riding horses or driving, would be off limits for quite a long time. Due to the extremely slow rate of nerve regrowth, I wouldn't be able to walk normally for one to two years. This news smacked me square in the face. Wow, I was facing some tough odds. I knew that the diagnosis was according to God's plan, and that in itself gave me great peace. I was set on trusting Him and changing up the statistics. Before this diagnosis came to be, I had traveled to a healing room where some church elders prayed over me. God really spoke to me then, more clearly than ever. He basically told me that this was going to be a long process, no quick fixes, but regardless of that, He would deliver me. From that point on I knew that the best thing I could do was trust Him with everything I had: the pain, the hurt, and the frustration. A lot of thinking went on throughout this whole process. I knew I was set on beating the odds, but in my mind, beating them seemed more like 6 months from now...which would still be remarkable. This past week was filled with a lot of hurt. The so called 'winning ticket' medicine was not kicking in, and walking became significantly harder. I was doing everything I could to keep my chin up and trust Him, yet still frustrated. At one point I was awake in the middle of the night, in major pain, tears flowing, and crying out to God to just do a miracle in this situation. Little did I know that that miracle I was so desperate for was so close. Because I have no feeling from about the knees down, we haD been exploring types of massage to help with circulation. I decided getting a relaxing pedicure would do the trick quite well. I was with my dad at the time, just pulling into the nail salon parking lot. My dad opened the car door, and as per usual, went to get me zebra print walker. I opened my door fully expecting to use the walker to help me stand up. All of the sudden I felt really brave...confident in my God, and confident in my strength. I stood up proudly, slightly wobbling on the curb. I took a step, not knowing where my feet were due to the lack of feeling. I proceeded to take another, then another, and soon enough I was walking on my own. My dad stood back, stunned that after weeks of no walking, I was actually doing it. I strolled into the nail place absolutely amazed with what I was doing. I had no idea where my feet were going, but somehow my brain was telling my legs how to do it. This was the most surreal feeling I had ever experienced. I was doing something that was legitimately impossible, medically unfeasible. When I say 'I was doing it', I really mean God was working in me, giving me the power to do such an insurmountable act. At that moment, filled with the vigor of Christ, I was in pure amazement. This wasn't supposed to happen, I wasn't supposed to be walking...but God, my God, creator of everything, reached down and worked a miracle in me. This was a pure and simple act of Christ. Nothing could, or can, dispute this. Reflecting back onto today's remarkable progress, I find myself overwhelmed with tears of joy. To travel on such a long journey, not making much progress for weeks on end really took its toll on my body. I say this because my body is only a worldly thing. What really matters is my faith...and let me tell you, this has not taken its tax on that. It's actually done the complete opposite, turned a 180 degree turn. My life has been forever changed, and not in the way the doctors had predicted. I know I am not out of the woods yet, there are still things to be dealt with, but this is life and things are never perfect. I know that my God is perfect however and His perfect plans are with me every step of the way. I have always believed in miracles even without witnessing first hand accounts. But today, I stand here in the power of Christ, saying whole heartedly that God works miracles in strange ways and definitely not according to our time frame. I am still in total awe that I can walk, and I know that it's only because God's power and His people praying. Matthew 19:26 says, Jesus looked at them and said, “For people this is impossible, but for God all things are possible.”
I've said it before, but this time it has an even deeper meaning...TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY!

Social networking Jesus Christ styled...

Tonight I was scanning through channels and came across the movie "Social Network." This movie tells the story of how Facebook came to be so successful. While watching, I was literally mind boggled by how such a simple concept grew so fast, spread all over, and become such a desirable thing to have. Part way through the movie I updated my Facebook status, ironic I know. I reflected on what a great day I had enjoyed; family, acts of love, answers to prayers...basically all the above. I don't know what it is lately, but God keeps on getting my attention. I started thinking, if Facebook, a simple concept as described earlier, can grow so fast and reach audiences that it never dreamed of, why can't God do the same thing. The way I figure it is that God is a 'simple' concept. As Christians, we are called to bring people to Christ, to share the good news, and as a result give them the opportunity to give their lives to the Lord.  The concept behind this? It's saying Lord I give my life to you, I confess my sins, I choose to live for your glory from now on...I am a new creation. I say that is a rather simple concept, and here is why: If someone can hear about Facebook from a friend, create an account, enter their relationship status, and write what their interests are all in a few minutes...then why can't someone hear about God's love from a Christian, give their life to the Lord, change their relationship to believer in Jesus Christ, and demonstrate they are interested in being a light and serving Him in the same amount of time? Strange thought huh? Two completely different goals, one very same idea. Facebook strives to attract millions and millions of viewers, reach larger and larger audiences, and make more and more of an impact. That is what God wants too! He wants us to lead as many as we can to Christ, go far and wide to reach the unreachable, and make a difference in this forsaken world.  I see this as a challenge personally. Next time I overhear a news channel talking about Facebook's exploding statistics, I'm going to think what am I doing to beat them in how I travel on my journey to lead others to the greatest network, Christ.

God wants YOU, regardless of your current circumstances!

I have realized that that there is absolutely no excuse for keeping my light for Christ hidden. I was laying in bed early this morning lights off, covers on, and pain in full swing. I was struggling with the uncomfortable feeling in my legs, trying to hold back my tears. Needless to say I was pretty miserable. I was doing exactly what I didn't want to do; feeling down and letting the pain get to me. Something struck me once again...seems to be a common thing lately. I just felt strange all of the sudden. I looked around and canvased my predicament and while yes it was grim, I wasn't looking to the Lord for strength. I instead let my physical hurts get the best of me. Although I didn't have much access to 'witness' to others at the time, I could still have faith in the Lord and turn that pain into power...power in the name of Christ. I realized that regardless of my current situation, I still have a duty to uphold; to be strong in my faith, trust Him completely, and shine this little light of mine bright! 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says 'Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesud to live.' That pretty much sums up the point I'm getting at here. You may be in a less thsn ideal situation, but it's the situation that God has placed you in. There's a common saying, God will never give you more than you can handle. Those are some powerful words right there. Speaking from experience, I can say that life can be terribly overwhelming. I can get caught up in the stress, the hurt, the frustrations, or even the pure craziness of it all...but what will that do for me? It won't make me feel better nor will it solve any problems. The only problem solver that I can rely on 100% of the time is my personal Lord and Savior. He has the power to transform a dark dreary morning into a bright one filled with hope and prayer. I praise God for this. For using me even in my despaired shape. I came across this quote by Mary Kay Ashe, "God does not ask your ability or inability. He asks only your availability." Just reading those words makes me feel empowered. Whether you're feeling good, health in check, or weak and struggling with illness, God wants you! He has no prerequisites to you giving your life to Christ. You can be the most hardened criminal, have a change of heart and decide to give your life to Christ and He will no objections. The Lord got ahold of me this morning and got me back on track...and let me tell you, it changed my outlook to the rest of my day. Psalm 118:24 says 'This day belongs to the Lord! Let's celebrate and be glad today.' I'm going to take that advice. Thanking God for each day that comes, and each opportunity I have to shine bright. To God be all the glory.

Seriously, why do we buy the lies?

The topic for this post is based on the sheer realization of a common human occurrence, the lesson based on God's truth. What may you ask is this human occurrence? It's our longing for approval, our struggle for perfection. I'm a teenage girl, so fact is, I've had my fair share of exposure to this sort of thing. This crazy concept really grabbed my attention recently however. I ran into, yes another quote. This one I found while scrolling through a devotions app on my phone. Arthur Schopenhauer says this: "We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves to be like other people." I at first kinda skipped over this quote, being one of the many great Christian ones, but quickly returned to ponder it. I proceeded to read it a few more times, denying how close to home it really was hitting. Now I have admit, I saved that quote with the intent of facebooking it at some point, but soon came to realization that God was using that very same quote to get through to me. In the past I have always tried to achieve the best grades, be the perfect child, keep the sharpest appearance...and well, as you might have guessed, failed numerous times. This is obvious due to the simple fact that I'm human. As most of us hate to admit, we can not, under any circumstance, achieve perfection. We can work until we drop, walk on egg shells around our peers, lose enough weight, wear the right clothes, drive the nicest cars, or make the most money; and yes, while all those things can be nice, they consequently leave us empty. We naturally have a void in our lives, one that more often than not, is attempted to be filled with something worldly. Let's face it, our society preaches that if we can just reach that ideal balance between fame, wealth, and appearance, then we'll be on top. There is a constant craving for perfection, a longing to fill that mysterious space. This brings be back to my original question...'seriously why do we buy the lies?' I assess this problem as a spiritual one, and I'm most definitely speaking from experience. What some people don't quite get is that there a clear straight forward answer...one word...God! When you turn to Him feeling empty, He is there to fill that void. Money problems? Trust Him and He will bless you beyond belief. Not achieving the success you want? Hand that worry over to Him and you'll be given all the power you need. Struggling with not looking or behaving just 'right'? Run to the Lord and He will love you for you. There's s great Christian song where JJ Heller sings 'who will love me for me, not for what I have done or what I will become, who will love me for me, cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means.' That song speaks loudly about God's love as it describes various situations where the world has left these people empty. It ends by saying how God will be there for them regardless and love them for themselves. Every time that song plays on K-love, I get an overwhelming feeling of Jesus Christ's acceptance of me. Even the strongest of individuals have self doubt, whether openly expressed or not. Sometimes I just don't feel good enough. That's when my thoughts can go one of two ways. Firstly, I can see the negatives; my hair is straight enough, my stomach isn't flat enough, I haven't been tough enough, or I haven't made my parents proud enough. The second option, although a lot harder, is to say "Whaaaa?! What am I doing! Satan, you have no hold on me. God made me in His image. I was created to look the way I do, act the way I act, and achieve the things that He has  predestined for me." Yeah...number two is a better choice in my opinion! Rub it into the devil that God created me, superior to anything He could ever do. Genesis 1:27 reassures us of this, 'God created human beings, He created them godlike, Reflecting God's nature. he created them male and female.' So here's my advice to you, next time you are feeling inadequate, say to yourself, I was created in God's image, I was made for a specific purpose, I look a certain way, I will achieve distinctive things and all this according to my Lord and Savior's almighty plan and timing.